I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
