I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
