Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
