I feel like abortions should bother me more
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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