Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
