Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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