it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
