Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
