Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
