So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
