You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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