Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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