I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
