How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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