Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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