I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
