kristin has been a bad kristin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
