she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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