Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
