We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
