wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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