Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
