I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
