at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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