Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
PANTIES FOUND
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
