Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
