If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
