checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize