The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
