THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
