that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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