I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
