All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
