He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love having hate sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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