Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
