I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
