Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
