If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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