fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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