so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
3 2 1 whiskey
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
