Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
