then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
