Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
