What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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