I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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