I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
