I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i came on her dog
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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