By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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