My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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