My brain says no but my pants say off.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
