We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
