On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
